Saturday was a big day for me…I moved into my house. This is usually one of the big moments of a volunteer’s service. For the past 5 months, I have been living with families and in a hotel. It is really exciting to finally be able to unpack my suitcases. A big part of my job is to integrate into the community. Living with my host family has done a lot to help me with this. My family is amazing; I am excited that I was able to stay in the family compound. As I was moving my stuff, I began to get a little panicky and nervous about being alone. I began to think that maybe I should spend another night with my family.
This past week, someone somehow related to my family died. It took a 30 minute conversation for me to understand who he was and how he was related. The funeral/wake was Saturday night. By the way, funerals are just another reason to entertain here. It was by far, the most interesting wake/funeral I have been too. And coming from a big Southern family, that is saying something. One of the people there was a member of my family that goes to high school in Azrou. We were talking about Timahdite and I told her that I was a little scared about staying the night in my house. She told me that I would be okay and to remember that family was right next door.
After talking with her, some of my confidence began to come back. Walking back to the house, there was a little spring in my step. I made it through the first night and the second and the third… In the interest of full disclosure though, I did shed a few tears when I told my family good night and returned for breakfast on Sunday morning.
While it seems a little odd to me to say that I found confidence at a funeral but then again, something odd/interesting happens to me everyday. This is life in Morocco…
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Ignorance
I should start by saying that this entry was a hard one to write. I struggled to find the right words (which I may not have done) and I am afraid that it may sound culturally insensitive, which is not what I intended. At one point, I told myself to just forget it; people don’t need to know this. But then I talked with another volunteer who said the people who read this would be interested because this is what is going on in my life and could potentially have something to gain from my experiences. So here you go…
Last week was a difficult one for me. It started off all well and good by meeting Moroccan royalty (see previous post) but when it ended, I said “Lhamdullah, let’s not have a repeat performance of this.” While nothing happened to me personally, I was a bystander in two in-depth cultural experiences. It would be culturally insensitive for me to repost what happened but in both situations things happened that coming from a Western, shiwya feminist perspective makes me against them in principle. I haven’t been here long enough to develop a ‘Moroccan mindset,’ something more experienced volunteers tell me will come.
When these things happened, it made me curse the other cultural nuisances I don’t like:
the occasional rock (or snow) thrown by a bored little kid
constantly hearing ‘bonjour’ and ‘cava’ screamed at me by people who know that I do not speak French
the intense staring occupied occasionally with pointing and whispering; like that is not obvious
sure PDA may be illegal here but if you need to pee, just whip it out and go right wherever you want
I can’t say that this wasn’t expected. Peace Corps warned me that this would happen. They said there would be moments when I would hate it here. For me, this would be taking it too far; but there are some moments when I do not like it here. As long as the good moments outweigh the bad ones, I will be all right. I posted last week that other volunteers were having some bad moments and that I couldn’t empathize with them. Now I can a little bit (did I jinx myself?). But I have been reading blogs from other volunteers in my training group and everyone is experiencing things like this. The first 3 months in site are the hardest.
I know moments like these can happen anywhere; I had them growing up in Panama City and in Tuscaloosa during college. I took massive amounts of culture-related classes in school; but I don’t think anything could have accurately prepared me for the culture and life I am living here. I woke up on Monday with a positive attitude; eager to start the new week. Accomplishment #1 of the week; inshallah, there will be more to come.
In one of my first posts from Morocco, I mentioned that I “smile because I have no idea what is going on.” That was 4 months ago. Shiwya b shiwya, I learn what is going on and some things here make it hard to smile. With integration comes comprehension and understanding. For the sake of my job and for Peace Corps, I know that I NEED to know but it is hard not think that maybe I am better off not knowing. After all, isn’t the saying, “Ignorance is bliss?” It may be but it is also one of the reasons why I am here…
Last week was a difficult one for me. It started off all well and good by meeting Moroccan royalty (see previous post) but when it ended, I said “Lhamdullah, let’s not have a repeat performance of this.” While nothing happened to me personally, I was a bystander in two in-depth cultural experiences. It would be culturally insensitive for me to repost what happened but in both situations things happened that coming from a Western, shiwya feminist perspective makes me against them in principle. I haven’t been here long enough to develop a ‘Moroccan mindset,’ something more experienced volunteers tell me will come.
When these things happened, it made me curse the other cultural nuisances I don’t like:
the occasional rock (or snow) thrown by a bored little kid
constantly hearing ‘bonjour’ and ‘cava’ screamed at me by people who know that I do not speak French
the intense staring occupied occasionally with pointing and whispering; like that is not obvious
sure PDA may be illegal here but if you need to pee, just whip it out and go right wherever you want
I can’t say that this wasn’t expected. Peace Corps warned me that this would happen. They said there would be moments when I would hate it here. For me, this would be taking it too far; but there are some moments when I do not like it here. As long as the good moments outweigh the bad ones, I will be all right. I posted last week that other volunteers were having some bad moments and that I couldn’t empathize with them. Now I can a little bit (did I jinx myself?). But I have been reading blogs from other volunteers in my training group and everyone is experiencing things like this. The first 3 months in site are the hardest.
I know moments like these can happen anywhere; I had them growing up in Panama City and in Tuscaloosa during college. I took massive amounts of culture-related classes in school; but I don’t think anything could have accurately prepared me for the culture and life I am living here. I woke up on Monday with a positive attitude; eager to start the new week. Accomplishment #1 of the week; inshallah, there will be more to come.
In one of my first posts from Morocco, I mentioned that I “smile because I have no idea what is going on.” That was 4 months ago. Shiwya b shiwya, I learn what is going on and some things here make it hard to smile. With integration comes comprehension and understanding. For the sake of my job and for Peace Corps, I know that I NEED to know but it is hard not think that maybe I am better off not knowing. After all, isn’t the saying, “Ignorance is bliss?” It may be but it is also one of the reasons why I am here…
Thursday, January 17, 2008
I Am Never Washing My Hand Again...
Monday start out like all my other Mondays. I got up early, drank a little bit of coffee, and hurried to catch a taxi to Azrou. By the end of the day, it was anything but ordinary. What made it unordinary? Meeting one of the princesses of Morocco, that is what.
I was in the artisana, where my ministry delegate is, along with another SBD volunteer. I had noticed that there were a bunch of people in camo outfits with some mean-looking dogs. I just assumed that they were military. The fact that the group included women should have struck me as odd because I have never seen a woman in military uniform here. Well, it turned out not to be military but a hunting expedition(there is a lot of wild boar in this area) and one of the people involved was Princess Layla Amina, the aunt of the king Mohammed VI.
My boss introduced me to her and we got to have a quick conversation. She knew I was a Peace Corp volunteer and asked me questions about my work, my hometown in the States, and what I liked about Morocco. We even exchanged a few words of Tam, which is really exciting!
It was defintely a surreal experience...
I was in the artisana, where my ministry delegate is, along with another SBD volunteer. I had noticed that there were a bunch of people in camo outfits with some mean-looking dogs. I just assumed that they were military. The fact that the group included women should have struck me as odd because I have never seen a woman in military uniform here. Well, it turned out not to be military but a hunting expedition(there is a lot of wild boar in this area) and one of the people involved was Princess Layla Amina, the aunt of the king Mohammed VI.
My boss introduced me to her and we got to have a quick conversation. She knew I was a Peace Corp volunteer and asked me questions about my work, my hometown in the States, and what I liked about Morocco. We even exchanged a few words of Tam, which is really exciting!
It was defintely a surreal experience...
Monday, January 14, 2008
Small Town Gal
First order of business…Thank you everyone for the great care packages! They were seriously amazing.
I have just returned from a long weekend in Meknes. Because Thursday and Friday were religious holidays here, I got the opportunity to travel more than on a normal weekend. So me and 2 other volunteers from my training group traveled to Meknes to see more of Morocco. We had a great time and enjoyed catching up with each other. It was nice to eat McDonalds (hey, you take what you can get), shop at Marjane, and take a hot shower in a TUB. But I can’t see myself having a Western experience like that again anytime soon. As we walked around the big city, pretty much all I could think about was how I didn’t seem to fit in here. I was like, “Let me just return to my little village.” And when I returned to my town, SiMo saw me walking up to the house and ran to meet me. He gave me a big hug and escorted me to the house :)
There was a language issue as well. The language I speak is Tamazight and no one I met in Meknes spoke it. They would get this disgusted look on their face like “why do you speak ShlHa (the Arabic word for the Berber languages)”. I was able to communicate fairly well with English and my shiwa Arabic so there wasn’t too much of a language barrier. I have always kind of known though that I am not a big city girl but rather a small town gal.
I have been told by a lot of people back home that they are amazed at how much I have changed. But the thing is, I don’t really feel like I have changed. The best way I can describe it is that yes, my life has changed because now I pee in a glorified hole, shower once a week at best, and eat with my hands. But I have not changed; I am still the same person. My life just has this another dimension to it. In my 22 years, I have many dimensions to my life from Panama City to Tuscaloosa to various traveling experience and now to Morocco and each one just enhances my life.
The two volunteers I traveled with to Meknes are not having the same experience I am having here. I know there is that well-known saying that says no two experiences are alike. While I agree with it, I hoped my friends would be enjoying Morocco and getting the same out of this amazing country as I am. And they are not. Their tone was more pessimistic than optimistic. Hearing them talk made me a little depressed. I want to be able to empathize with them because volunteers are each others support network in country but I cannot. But I realize that I can only listen and hope things start to turn around for them. Inshallah, they will.
Most Memorable Quote from Meknes:
(while eating at McDonalds)
Me: Do yall feel a little out of place here?
(as a stream of sophisticated people dressed to the nines walk by)
Other PCV: Well yeah, we are dressed like homeless people.
My Arabic name ‘Ilham’ means inspiration. Between that and the beautiful scenery that surrounds me, this place inspires me. I have been writing a lot and have lots of thoughts I want to share but until I find the proper wording to express them, they will stay with me on paper. Eventually, they will end up here for yall to see.
Until then…
I have just returned from a long weekend in Meknes. Because Thursday and Friday were religious holidays here, I got the opportunity to travel more than on a normal weekend. So me and 2 other volunteers from my training group traveled to Meknes to see more of Morocco. We had a great time and enjoyed catching up with each other. It was nice to eat McDonalds (hey, you take what you can get), shop at Marjane, and take a hot shower in a TUB. But I can’t see myself having a Western experience like that again anytime soon. As we walked around the big city, pretty much all I could think about was how I didn’t seem to fit in here. I was like, “Let me just return to my little village.” And when I returned to my town, SiMo saw me walking up to the house and ran to meet me. He gave me a big hug and escorted me to the house :)
There was a language issue as well. The language I speak is Tamazight and no one I met in Meknes spoke it. They would get this disgusted look on their face like “why do you speak ShlHa (the Arabic word for the Berber languages)”. I was able to communicate fairly well with English and my shiwa Arabic so there wasn’t too much of a language barrier. I have always kind of known though that I am not a big city girl but rather a small town gal.
I have been told by a lot of people back home that they are amazed at how much I have changed. But the thing is, I don’t really feel like I have changed. The best way I can describe it is that yes, my life has changed because now I pee in a glorified hole, shower once a week at best, and eat with my hands. But I have not changed; I am still the same person. My life just has this another dimension to it. In my 22 years, I have many dimensions to my life from Panama City to Tuscaloosa to various traveling experience and now to Morocco and each one just enhances my life.
The two volunteers I traveled with to Meknes are not having the same experience I am having here. I know there is that well-known saying that says no two experiences are alike. While I agree with it, I hoped my friends would be enjoying Morocco and getting the same out of this amazing country as I am. And they are not. Their tone was more pessimistic than optimistic. Hearing them talk made me a little depressed. I want to be able to empathize with them because volunteers are each others support network in country but I cannot. But I realize that I can only listen and hope things start to turn around for them. Inshallah, they will.
Most Memorable Quote from Meknes:
(while eating at McDonalds)
Me: Do yall feel a little out of place here?
(as a stream of sophisticated people dressed to the nines walk by)
Other PCV: Well yeah, we are dressed like homeless people.
My Arabic name ‘Ilham’ means inspiration. Between that and the beautiful scenery that surrounds me, this place inspires me. I have been writing a lot and have lots of thoughts I want to share but until I find the proper wording to express them, they will stay with me on paper. Eventually, they will end up here for yall to see.
Until then…
Sunday, January 6, 2008
Never Have I Ever...Had A Snow Day
Naturally growing up in Florida,hurricane days are built into school schedules. Snow days are not. My town in Morocco is a little different. People have been predicting snow for the last 2 weeks. Well it finally came; over 2 feet to be exact. It snowed for 22 straight hours. We may have lost electricity for 36 hours but I enjoyed every minute of the experience.
It started snowing Thursday afternoon and by Friday morning, at least a foot had fallen. Not everyone in my family was excited but me and SiMo (8 years old today…Happy Birthday!) were looking forward to playing in it. So SiMo came into my room at 9:30 yelling “Ilham, Nkr! Nkr!” (my Arabic name, Wake Up! Wake Up!) After patiently waiting for me to inject coffee into my system, SiMo showed me how to build a snowman (we made 2). And then we spent the rest of the enjoying the snow. It was still falling but we walked around town, visited with people, had a snowball fight, made snow angels, etc. I was experiencing something for the very first time and I wanted to soak it all in.
It is warming up outside and the snow has started to melt but I am loving it all. I love my family; I love my town; and I love Morocco.
And now for your viewing pleasure:
Ali indifferent to all this snow; Keeping with the metaphor of his and mine lives…I was way more excited about this new thing in our lives than he was. Then again, I am 22 and he is 5 months.
It is like the frozen tundra
Odd photo but I like it
One of the many times I fell/was pushed in the snow
Town’s Crown, showing that us Berbers support the King
My town is beautiful!
My family’s front door
SiMo with one of the snowmen. Notice the hat, Roll Tide. Probably the only snowman of its kind in Morocco
SiMo making a snow angel
Sunset with evergreen trees full of melting snow
Black and white of trees by the creek
Mosque in black and white
It started snowing Thursday afternoon and by Friday morning, at least a foot had fallen. Not everyone in my family was excited but me and SiMo (8 years old today…Happy Birthday!) were looking forward to playing in it. So SiMo came into my room at 9:30 yelling “Ilham, Nkr! Nkr!” (my Arabic name, Wake Up! Wake Up!) After patiently waiting for me to inject coffee into my system, SiMo showed me how to build a snowman (we made 2). And then we spent the rest of the enjoying the snow. It was still falling but we walked around town, visited with people, had a snowball fight, made snow angels, etc. I was experiencing something for the very first time and I wanted to soak it all in.
It is warming up outside and the snow has started to melt but I am loving it all. I love my family; I love my town; and I love Morocco.
And now for your viewing pleasure:
Ali indifferent to all this snow; Keeping with the metaphor of his and mine lives…I was way more excited about this new thing in our lives than he was. Then again, I am 22 and he is 5 months.
It is like the frozen tundra
Odd photo but I like it
One of the many times I fell/was pushed in the snow
Town’s Crown, showing that us Berbers support the King
My town is beautiful!
My family’s front door
SiMo with one of the snowmen. Notice the hat, Roll Tide. Probably the only snowman of its kind in Morocco
SiMo making a snow angel
Sunset with evergreen trees full of melting snow
Black and white of trees by the creek
Mosque in black and white
Monday, December 31, 2007
Cultural Experiences
Today is my 22nd birthday. While it is weird not to be celebrating it with my family and friends in America, I am excited to be celebrating with my Moroccan family. They are such great people and I love them already.
Until today, I was the same age for all of 2007 and because of this, I feel like I should reflect on the past year but I don’t really want to do that. Where I am now is very different from where I was a year ago. I think this just represents my growth as a human being. I have been in my town for over a month down and have one more month of homestay (lhumdullah) and each day is a different experience. And I wanted to share some of them. So here y’all go:
-How about the time the chicken crossed the road and got hit by a car…no this is not a joke. I tell this to people and they are like “where’s the joke” and I am like it is not a joke. It really happened.
-Saw a 3-legged dog the other day. It was rather interesting-looking.
-Almost got in a fight at the hammam. The hammam is how most people bathe here. I am not very good at explaining what it is so I will paraphrase the guidebook. “The hammam is a steam bath and is a Moroccan version of the spa.” (Rough Guide Morocco) I enjoy going and generally feel clean for a few days after my experience. Most people spend hours and hours there but I can only stay for a max of 2 hours. Besides, most of the women are not used to seeing a white girl so there is a lot of staring.
And just to put it out there because I have been asked this question, I don’t shower often. I usually only go to the hammam when there is enough grease in my hair to fry bacon and/or I am tired of looking like I have a bad hangover. And 2 days ago, I said something that I never thought I would say in my life: “I showered 3 days ago. I am still clean!” Obviously as soon as I said it, I wanted to take it back. Oh well…
-One of the things that I enjoy is when people will talk about me to other people in front of my face. They don’t realize (or don’t care) that I can speak (or attempt to speak) their language. When I say something to them, the expressions on their faces are priceless. But this can also work the other way. On more than one occasion I have said something in English that I would prefer not to be translated. And occasionally, there are people around who have decent English skills. They will look at me; laugh; and I have to do this whole “please do not translate” thing. It is a little embarrassing.
-One of the cultural things that always makes volunteers laugh is the so-called Berber rules for living. We hear them all of the time and most make a lot of sense but some are just off base. You can’t help but laugh. Here is a few:
--The reason you get a cold is because your headscarf is not wrapped tightly enough when leaving the hammam.
--My stomach issues are due to the cold weather not the food.
--The inferno is what is causing you to sneeze.
--Standing in the sun is what caused you to start itching.
-And I will end on this one: Meat is everything here. Because providing a good source of protein, it is a sign of wealth. My family is one of the better off in town and we always have meat. ALWAYS. Well, after Leid and a week’s worth of elaborate meals, I just haven’t been able to eat any more meat. I told my family that my stomach needs a break from all of the meat. So here is what they answered with: “That’s okay. We will make chicken.” It is like that scene from My Big Fat Greek Wedding.
Until today, I was the same age for all of 2007 and because of this, I feel like I should reflect on the past year but I don’t really want to do that. Where I am now is very different from where I was a year ago. I think this just represents my growth as a human being. I have been in my town for over a month down and have one more month of homestay (lhumdullah) and each day is a different experience. And I wanted to share some of them. So here y’all go:
-How about the time the chicken crossed the road and got hit by a car…no this is not a joke. I tell this to people and they are like “where’s the joke” and I am like it is not a joke. It really happened.
-Saw a 3-legged dog the other day. It was rather interesting-looking.
-Almost got in a fight at the hammam. The hammam is how most people bathe here. I am not very good at explaining what it is so I will paraphrase the guidebook. “The hammam is a steam bath and is a Moroccan version of the spa.” (Rough Guide Morocco) I enjoy going and generally feel clean for a few days after my experience. Most people spend hours and hours there but I can only stay for a max of 2 hours. Besides, most of the women are not used to seeing a white girl so there is a lot of staring.
And just to put it out there because I have been asked this question, I don’t shower often. I usually only go to the hammam when there is enough grease in my hair to fry bacon and/or I am tired of looking like I have a bad hangover. And 2 days ago, I said something that I never thought I would say in my life: “I showered 3 days ago. I am still clean!” Obviously as soon as I said it, I wanted to take it back. Oh well…
-One of the things that I enjoy is when people will talk about me to other people in front of my face. They don’t realize (or don’t care) that I can speak (or attempt to speak) their language. When I say something to them, the expressions on their faces are priceless. But this can also work the other way. On more than one occasion I have said something in English that I would prefer not to be translated. And occasionally, there are people around who have decent English skills. They will look at me; laugh; and I have to do this whole “please do not translate” thing. It is a little embarrassing.
-One of the cultural things that always makes volunteers laugh is the so-called Berber rules for living. We hear them all of the time and most make a lot of sense but some are just off base. You can’t help but laugh. Here is a few:
--The reason you get a cold is because your headscarf is not wrapped tightly enough when leaving the hammam.
--My stomach issues are due to the cold weather not the food.
--The inferno is what is causing you to sneeze.
--Standing in the sun is what caused you to start itching.
-And I will end on this one: Meat is everything here. Because providing a good source of protein, it is a sign of wealth. My family is one of the better off in town and we always have meat. ALWAYS. Well, after Leid and a week’s worth of elaborate meals, I just haven’t been able to eat any more meat. I told my family that my stomach needs a break from all of the meat. So here is what they answered with: “That’s okay. We will make chicken.” It is like that scene from My Big Fat Greek Wedding.
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Leid Kbir
Friday was officially Leid Kbir but most people celebrated through the weekend, my family included. Preparations for the holiday started weeks ago. My host family killed 2 sheep and 8 in total were killed in the family compound. I am eating so much lamb that I fully expect “baa” to come out the next time I open my mouth.
Some statistics:
Cups of tea (in 3 days): 10…that is a very low number, lhumdullah, and family knows that I prefer coffee to tea so I often get served coffee
Number of Pepto Bismal Taken: 7
Number of new people that I met: I stopped counting at 20
Number of new English-speaking family members I met: 3
I know very little about the meaning of Leid Kbir so I am not going to even mention any of the religious meanings of the holiday. I do know that it is considered the biggest Muslim holiday of the year and people go all out for it. Things were a little crazy but it was very exciting for me to experience the big holiday. I am having a new cultural experience every day, each one different from the last. Some are enjoyable; some are not. That is part of being in Morocco and living with a host family, whom I absolutely love.
Some statistics:
Cups of tea (in 3 days): 10…that is a very low number, lhumdullah, and family knows that I prefer coffee to tea so I often get served coffee
Number of Pepto Bismal Taken: 7
Number of new people that I met: I stopped counting at 20
Number of new English-speaking family members I met: 3
I know very little about the meaning of Leid Kbir so I am not going to even mention any of the religious meanings of the holiday. I do know that it is considered the biggest Muslim holiday of the year and people go all out for it. Things were a little crazy but it was very exciting for me to experience the big holiday. I am having a new cultural experience every day, each one different from the last. Some are enjoyable; some are not. That is part of being in Morocco and living with a host family, whom I absolutely love.
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