I have spent the last 5 days back in CBT finishing the artisan work my group has been doing for the last 2 months. Returning to the poor little village after visiting my final site which is night-and-day different, I knew that the first few moments with my host family would be awkward. And awkward it was; very awkward. After about an hour with my host family, I was mad at myself for not being prepared. As I have had more time to reflect, I realize that there was little I could have done to prepare. In the best of situations, all I could have done was just smile and wait for the awkward moments to pass.
That first night, though, was not the best of situations. The moment I got into the house I knew I was in for a long night. My host sisters followed me into my room and as I put down my stuff, they started going through it and asking me how much everything costs. For obvious reasons, this made me very uncomfortable. Overall, Moroccans are usually indirect but when it comes to how much something costs, they have no problems asking us. I have done pretty well dodging these questions and have become accustomed to expecting them. But coming from my host family who I have grown fond of and who I have respect very much, I was put off and became visibly upset. They could see this and did not see to care. I have been living with this family for the better part of the last 2 months and this is the first time anything like this has happened. It was almost like they forgot I was a real person instead of an American toy. The rest of the days were better but still uncomfortable. They continued to ask me questions about money but they weren’t too bad and I was able to dodge them. What they were trying to prove, I have no idea.
It is amazing how much happened in the two weeks I was away from CBT. My host sister, Merriam, announced to me that she was getting married. This is really bad of me, but it is hard to be happy for her. I know marriage is different here than in the States but I can’t help that my “Americaness” comes out when I think about Merriam getting married. For me, it is not so much that she will only be 18 when she gets married, it is that the only thing she knows about her fiancé is that he lives in Paris. That is all; she doesn’t even know his name. Merriam doesn’t speak French or even Arabic and thinks it will be easy to go to Paris. I just want to sit her down and explain to her what her marriage and living in France means. If it were not completely inappropriate, I would do it minus the whole language barrier thing. I also know that Mina, my youngest host sister, is going to have to quit school soon. Without Merriam at the house, Mina’s hands are needed around the house. But I also know that Merriam getting out of Morocco will significantly help her family. They already rely on money sent from Paris by a relative living and working there and need any extra bit they can get. Another bright side, Merriam will get a chance to see a side of the world that few in this country get a chance to experience.
Reflecting on my CBT experience, I am really glad that my training has taken place in a poor, little village because I am even more appreciative of my final site. If my training had been a little more posh, I would have taken a lot of things for granted. My little CBT village has taught me a lot but I was ready to leave it. I am ready to end training and motivated to start working in my final site. I am ready to move on because I have had a glimpse of what the future looks like and it excites me.
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