Much like that journey to the Mediterranean, a long train journey can describe these last two years. For any journey, one hopes for smooth passage but expects a few bumps along the road. Travel to my wonderful site did not involve an actual train so just metaphorically speaking, two years ago, I jumped on a train and began this crazy journey of being a Peace Corps volunteer.
So often, the journey seems to moving along just fine. The train moves at a methodical pace until all of a sudden, it does not. My Peace Corps journey seems to progress at a steady, albeit slow, pace until all of a sudden a “trainge” happens. I can point to specific examples where a “trainge” has been required: adjusting to my CBT site; the failure of the cooperative and switching work assignments to the computer literacy classes; and the most current, no new PCV in my area--what was supposed to happen. This latest halt on the tracks is forcing me to change how I deal with the last three weeks in site. I need to prepare the women starting an association to have no PCV support as they continue, figure out how to break the news to people I have grown to love, and come to terms with leaving and letting go.
There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find ways in which you yourself have altered.
Nelson Mandela
The quote above is apt to what I have experienced the last few months and what is about to happen as I begin the difficult task of re-adjusting to America and Panama City. The first time this hit me was at COS conference in the Hotel Chellah—the same hotel we stayed at upon first arriving in country. Two years ago, it was “what do you think the next two years are going to be like” and the typical getting to know you/Peace Corps stuff. This time around, it was “what an amazing two years,” “can you believe it is over” and “this hotel is so much nicer than I remember.” (Oh what two years of budget, bug-infested hotels will do to you.)
It is a weird feeling knowing while everything seems the same, it is not. My host family has an old black and white photo of our town. Comparing that picture to the scene today, one sees schools where none previously existed; beautiful government buildings, power lines, and overall, a more prosperous-looking town. Unseen to the naked eye is the knowledge that laundry is still washed the same way; the food is the same, eaten and cooked the same way; and the daily routines and gender roles are still in force. I tend to focus on the bigger picture instead of looking at the little but important details. I am fairly certain that I can return here in 20 years and think everything is the same. All that I will need to do is look around and see how that 20-year gap has affected my perspective and look beyond to see ways in which this amazing place, my version of the simple life, has changed.
And for Panama City...I will be returning to live in my hometown after 3 years of college and 2 ½ years abroad. Panama City is not an unchanged place but I am afraid it will seem that way to me after the initial excitement of coming home wears off. That said, how nice will it be to walk down the beach, stare at the empty condo buildings, look out at the ocean and see “ways in which I have altered?”
In six weeks, I return to America. This current journey ends and another begins. I will see the alterations I have made to myself, learn the ways my perspective has changed, and just how the re-adjustment process will go. I am sure “trainges” will occur; bring them on.
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